It can eat you alive.
Or make it feel like your chest is going to explode.
For me, it's both.
I feel guilty for way too many things.
I get off work late and I feel guilty. When someone is mad or upset with me, even if it is not justified, it feels like someone is stabbing me in the chest.
I'm sensitive.
I cry easily. I take things too seriously. I take a lot of things too personally.
I can't change that.
I just have to learn to live with it, and do the best I can to not get too worked up or let it ruin my day or even my week.
But, that's hard to do.
Spiraling is so easy to do. Letting the emotions build and build and build is so easy. Talking to someone about how they make you feel is hard.
What if it makes them more upset?
What is they wont like me anymore?
What if we get into a fight?
As tough as I may seem, I am not.
I'm working on this. I don't want to care what other people think. But man, I do!
I want to be loved, liked, awesome, etc.
I seek out that acceptance. I need to feel validated.
And I HATE it.
I am a lot better than I used to be, but I am still a work in progress. I know what I need to do, but actually doing it is the hard part.
When someone upsets me, I cry. Sometimes it is because my feelings are hurt and others it is because I am so mad I cry.
That is when you better watch out. Because although I can be sweet, everyone has their breaking point.
It takes a lot longer for me to get there now than it used to, but once I am there it isn't pretty.
I used to fight, but now I just get silent. And when I say fight, I mean physically and yelling. Now you know if you make me mad because I will be done.
When I am done, I'm done.
I am done feeling guilty for things that aren't my fault or things I can't control.
Next chapter, you badass.
